September 20, 2015
I celebrated my 60th birthday yesterday. That as much as anything means our test is almost here. When I thought about testing for my 5th degree, I realized with some amazement, that I would be 60 when I tested. For someone who was never even going to stick with martial arts for a 1st degree, this is nothing short of amazing. My last Black Belt test was 12 years ago; my first Black Belt test was December 4, 1993. A lot has changed since my first degree test, but some of the struggles/challenges have remained.
This Mastery Test has given me an opportunity to once again confront my demons : all the ways I keep myself from embracing who I am and all that I'm capable of doing. Despite evidence to the contrary, I continually face my own self defeating words of "I can't " or "I'm not good enough". It has been a war I've waged almost daily since our training began . The emotional highs and lows, really the lows, often left me in despair and ready to give up. The highs were much shorter only to be followed by another plummet. It's only now, this close to the finish do I feel I've begun to make some real headway.
Last Saturday I strained my shoulder helping a friend move a washer and dryer. I didn't notice any pain but by Sunday morning I was concerned that I might have done some damage. Sunday is my day off, so I was content to let my shoulder rest. I decided then that I would see how things felt Monday morning when I got ready to start my regiment of 200 push ups a day. Monday morning I tried doing my push-ups and quickly realized I'd probably do more harm than good so I decided not to do them. I added 100 more sit ups to my workout. A significant injury at this time could be a game changer, so I made the decision to not do push-ups the next day as well. When I tried on Wednesday, I only did 50. The following days I was able to do 150 without much of a problem. I didn't beat myself up over taking those days off. That in itself is a big improvement. I kept up with my training but remained mindful of the need to be cautious and do no further damage. Taking this in stride, recognizing what I needed and doing it might not seem like a big deal, but for me it is.
As a result of working with what was going on in my body rather than fighting it, I didn't find myself on the all too familiar emotional roller coaster ride. I did what I could, let go of the rest, and by the end of the week I was back training at a level that made me know "I can do this!"
These final weeks are about getting in the repetition and honing my skills so that I will perform
at the level deserving of a KJN. I can do this.
The posters for the test were put up in the school this week. Another sign that were closing in on the finish line. Seeing my name along with all the other testers on a poster that says "A Master's Journey" gave me chills. This has been an incredible journey, taking me places I didn't know I'd go and bringing me to the place where I appreciate who I am.
This week's training:
Push ups : 350
Sit ups: 1,300
Running: 3.04 miles
Cycling: 19.4 miles
Classes: 1 Black Belt, 4 private lessons, 1 stick class, 1 Special training
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