BKJN Pat: It's official; we have the testing application packet

September 13, 2015

No turning back now, though true to form I did inquire on Saturday at the end of special training about what would happen if I didn't take my packet on Saturday at the end of special training.  I just couldn't help myself.  I know it seems that when I agreed to the training regiment that started April 1 and have participated in all the Mastery events, it was pretty much a done deal; I would be testing.  But getting the actual packet, made it real on a different level.  There are essays to write, physician's clearances, passport photos, an application to complete and a signed agreement to train 6 days a week and accept whatever decision is made after testing and of course a testing fee.  It's been 12 years since my last test.  I'd like to say that after four tests and all that time, I can face testing without any hesitation,  but that would be a lie.  The thought of performing in front of people still leaves me shaken.  I'm going to try not to focus on that part.  I'm going to focus on drilling all my techniques so that when I'm shaking in my bare feet, I won't forget what I know.

This past week has been productive.  Nothing like having a date to impress on me the need to stop putting things off and just do it.   I discovered this past week that as long as I didn't do the things I needed to do: specifically work on my form and identify the stand up combos I'm going to do, I could keep alive the belief that I can't do it.   Doing what I need to do to prepare defies the I can't or I'm not good enough that has chased me for almost 60 years.   I think it's time to leave that behind.  I suspect it will be a part of me to question and doubt, I just don't want it to be the way I think of myself any more.  "She believed she could so she did"  needs to be as much a part of me as breathing. 

This week's training:

Push ups: 1,000
Sit ups:     1,000
Running : 3.34 miles
Cycling:  19.5 miles
Classes: 2 Black belt, 1 private, 2 sticks, sparring and Special training
My push up totals are as follows:  April 1-present: 21,734 . If I include Jan 3-March 31, the total is 27,967. Sit ups:  April 1- present 21,175.  With Jan 2-March 31 27,408.

I hurt my shoulder on Saturday helping friends move a washer and dryer out of their basement and replace it with a newer one.  I'm not sure I'll be able to do push ups tomorrow, my shoulder hurts quite a bit.  I'll try, but I have no desire to make it worse.  There may be more sit ups in my future than I'd ever imagined.