June 27,2015
I continue to be baffled by the sudden unpredictable emotional shifts I experience on a weekly basis. At any given moment, I feel confident and sure of my ability to meet the challenges the Mastery test presents and just as quickly without warning I am on the verge of backing out of the test, wondering what on earth I was thinking that I could do it. In all of life's experiences, these emotions are present. But in spite of my undeniable evidence that I am doing what I need to do, and sometimes more, I continue to question that I can keep it up and that I even want to keep it up. My negative self talk has dogged me through out my martial arts training. I have made strides in quieting the voice in my head that says I don't measure up, but I haven't extinguished it. Perhaps I never will. Perhaps by continuing in spite of my doubts I am doing my best. I don't give up; I know that about me. I get discouraged and then I look for ways to accomplish whatever it is I want/need to. It is difficult to balance life and training. It would be great if I could take a sabbatical from the rest of my life and only focus on my training. It would be so much easier, but then I'd be missing some of these lessons I will look back on and value. The Mastery test is about mastering myself. Thankfully, I still have time to work on that.
This week:
Push ups: 1,053
Sit ups: 1,010
Running: 6.35 miles
Cycling: 19.5 miles
Classes: 2 + 1 private + 1 BJJ
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