It's Sunday evening and as I prepare to write my weekly blog, I find this week is a bit of a blur. I think the Monday holiday threw me off. The school was closed, so none of the normal routine occurred until Tuesday. I did have a brief moment of being undone by the kicking we have to do. I have somewhat limited hip flexibility and years of some compensation habits that frustratingly I have not been able to completely undo. Add to the that the fact that there is a good part of me that doesn't really care if I ever kick, and I only compound the problem. I mean really, I'm almost 60; am I really going to defend myself by doing a wheel kick or a 360 round? I have a mean back kick and can do a respectable side kick, front kick, foot jab or even an axe kick. Isn't that enough?
After Wednesday's Black Belt class I was ready to toss in the towel. While there is a good part of me that doesn't care about being able to use roundhouse or wheel kicks, there is an equally significant part of me that believes someone of my rank should be able to do these kicks well. The fact that I feel I don't is a constant source of embarrassment, if I'm perfectly honest. This week I was still recovering from my upper respiratory issues and tired which only made it harder to feel hopeful or optimistic or even willing to keep trying to kick better.
It's a lucky thing for me that I've had enough experience with these discouraging moments to realize that they are often the catalyst for change. I want my kicks to get better, yet I spend very little time actually doing something about making it happen. After all these years, I do know how to kick, but I get in my own way. KJN Paul has told me many times to just throw the kick. Take my head out of the game and just do it. Quit editorializing. I actually did that in a brief moment on Wednesday night and surprised myself. That's the place I need to be all the time with kicking ( and other things as well). I can't expect to make changes if I don't do the work. So I decided that I would put more effort(time) into undoing some of my old habits, by replacing them with new. Eventually all the pieces should come together. I keep being reminded that the biggest challenge of this Mastery Test is mastering myself.
This week's numbers:
Push ups : 900
Sit ups: 900
Running: 3.27 mile
Cycling: 17.7 miles
Classes: 1 Martial arts, 1 Black Belt, 1 Sparring (1st one of those in a year maybe )
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